New years eve is fast approaching and this is normally the time of year and people are invited to review 2012 and set goals for 2013. Typically these involve weight loss, getting fit, stop certain habits, learn something new, reduce debts, save money, spend more time with family, travel to new places, reduce stress, volunteer, etc… Time’s listed these as the Top 10 Commonly Broken New Year’s Resolutions last year.
Setting goals and changing one’s lifestyle is important but very difficult. As per Dr. Joseph Dispenza, D.C. (www.drjoedispenza.com) by the age of about 35, our identity becomes a set of memorized behaviors due to a feedback loop the brain has created. It is possible to reprogram the brain, hence, new years resolutions.
What if my Ego doesn’t want to change?
The ego may have alternative goals and intentions established which sabotage the hopeful and inspiring New Years Resolution.
For example: My new years resolution may be 120 lbs. But my unconscious intentions may be “enjoy everything life has to offer.” These are conflicting ideas. A person cannot sacrifice certain freedoms and enjoy everything life has to offer at the same time.
New Years Resolution: Spend more time with family. Personal beliefs: “I forgive but never forget.” (note, this is not true forgiveness, in fact this is simply sweeping issues under the rug). Again, in this example, any outstanding resentments will interfere and potentially sabotage the new years resolution to spend more time with family.
New Years Resolution: I will reduce my debt and start saving for retirement. A conflicting belief may be: “Work hard, play hard.” Playing hard typically involves spending money. Playing hard typically does not mean: spending more time enjoying the snowflakes or leaves in the trees. It typically involves, traveling, boats, canoes, cottages/camps, ATVs, indulging in habits like smoking, eating, drinking/drugging, etc…
The belief is stronger and will overpower the new goal. So it is important to not only decide what one would like but to review underlying beliefs and intention that may sabotage that new years resolution.
1) Do I take care of me? Do I make time to eat well, exercise, enrich myself and focus on mind/spirit/body balance? Am I sleepwalking through life or walking to the beat of my own drum? Do I know who I am other than roles: employee, mother, daughter, etc…? What are my qualities, strengths, ethics, morals, hopes and dreams?
2) Do I make time for myself? Am I too busy or can I relax? Is my mind always thinking, planning, solving or learning? Am I scattered?
3) What are my future goals? What do I want in one month, 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years and 10 years? Am I flexible with my goals? Do I have these written somewhere? What have I been doing to reach my goals? Do I focus too much on the future?
4) How would people describe me? Do I focus on others? Am I worried how others will perceive me? Do I people please? Do I care about other? Do I have long lasting close friends? Do I need people to stroke my ego? How do I dominate others? How do I influence others? Have I forgiven others? Do I make amends?
5) Is my life a performance? Do I believe I am or will be evaluated? Can I tolerate not being like others or doing what is “expected”? Do I recognize and accept my limitations?
6) How do I manage internal conflicts? How do I manage my ego’s immediate needs, wants and desires? How do I manage my vices (smoking, drinking, overeating, racism or need for power)? How do I resolve past hurts? Do I forgive myself?
You can email me a comment, share a success stories, or implement. I prefer if you implement but I’ll appreciate all three.
Thanks for reading! My goal is to help as many people as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Remember, you are unique, loveable, worthy and capable!www.jqcounseling.com Affiliated with: www.shepellfgi.com; Dr. Dan Dalton and Associates Member of the Ontario Association of Consutants, Counsellors, Psychometrists and Psychotherapists (OACCPP)